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The Housing Bubble Blog ForumGeneral Housing TopicsGeneral DiscussionWhat are Friends For?
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Author Topic: What are Friends For?  (Read 608 times)
eireen
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« on: December 22, 2008, 10:00:29 PM »

Don't spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for; I'm only testing you.

Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it .. it makes me feel more secure.

Don't correct me in front of people if you can help it. I'll take much more notice if you talk to me in private.

Don't make me feel that my mistakes are sins. It upsets my sense of values.

Don't be too upset if I say "I hate you." It isn't that I hate you, but only that I need your attention.

Don't protect me from consequence. I need to learn the hard way.

Don't take too much notice of my small ailment. Sometimes they get me the attention I want.

Don't nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.

Don't make rash promises. Remember that I feel badly let down when promises are broken.

Don't forget that I cannot explain myself as well as I should like. This is why I'm not always accurate.

Don't tax my honesty too much. I am easily frightened into telling lies.

Don't be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose my faith in you.

Don't put me off when I ask you questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.

Don't tell me my fears are silly. They are terribly real and you can do much to try to understand.

Don't ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too great a shock when I discover thatyou are neither.

Don't ever think it beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisinglywarm to you.

Don't forget how quickly I am growing up. It must be very difficult for you to keep pace with me butplease try.

Don't forget I love experimenting. I couldn't get along without it, so please put up with it.

Don't forget that I can't thrive without lots of love. But I don't need to tell you all the time, do I?
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divya984
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« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2009, 09:20:31 PM »

In my experience, though, there's often more happening than just getting comfortable. Friendship may be the exception to the rule that comfort and growth don't usually go together, for in the safety of a friend's acceptance, we can afford to test our wings, and our limits, a bit. That warm, gloriously comfortable cushion of acceptance is often a platform for challenge, if only just enough challenge to force us to face the truth.

Who else but a trusted friend can look smilingly at you and hold that look, while also raising a skeptical eyebrow? My friends, and probably yours as well, have all mastered that skeptical look, and even the outright laughter that says "I see through you!" They have developed any number of techniques for drawing my hypocrisy out for further examination, but the pain of this intense examination is blunted by that comfortable cushion of acceptance and value, the gift good friends give one another.

This deep comfort not only allows self-examination, challenge, and correction, but also provides a safe place for experimenting with new thoughts, behaviors, even identities. It's secure because everyone involved knows the friendship will survive the experiment. Challenge and encouragement join comfort to help bring about growth. Friends bring new ideas, new activities and interests to try, and cheer us on as we take the risk, waiting for us at the finish line with a cool drink and a pat on the back, or perhaps a needed band-aid.
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alinagosh
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« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2009, 03:28:55 AM »

Friendship has been given a special status in our society. It is contrasted with all those relationships over which we have so little control; the families we can't change, the neighbours who irritate us, the colleagues we have to put up with. Friends are thought of as the joyous, freely chosen part of our lives, and it's assumed that those relationships are always pleasurable. If asked how you're spending the weekend and you say staying in or seeing your family or your colleagues, people may think you're a little sad. Say you're seeing friends and there's an assumption that you too are desirable, connected.

On one level, friendships are very simple. They are the bonds between people who enjoy one another's company.There is no agreement about what friendship involves, or what to do if it goes sour. No one would dream of suggesting to a friend that they start seeing a friends' guidance counsellor to talk about the dynamics of their failing relationship. When things go wrong, we very rarely challenge our friends. That's because friendship is often a delicate affair and we don't want to tax it with too many demands. It's more common to absorb the hurt, and retreat. After all, there is no contract. The terms are unwritten, and nobody ever makes them explicit.

Ask people about friendship and what's startling is that they hold such a wide range of views, often accompanied by an absolute conviction that they are expressing an obvious truth. Some think it demands total loyalty; others that it carries no obligations at all. One man says long friendships have transformed his life, and been in some ways more important than his marriage; another thinks the great thing about friends is that you can always drop the old ones, because there are new ones around every corner. One woman says she would die for her friends; a younger woman says that all her friendships are ruthlessly practical, and designed to make her life easier in the here and now.
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krish789
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« Reply #3 on: November 19, 2009, 10:50:50 PM »

“In general, the role of friendship in our lives isn’t terribly well appreciated,” said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina, Greensboro. “There is just scads of stuff on families and marriage, but very little on friendship. It baffles me. Friendship has a bigger impact on our psychological well-being than family relationships.”
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